My wife had recently told me about this humming bird in our
yard acting strangely, but as she described it, I couldn’t really picture it in
my mind until I saw it. So the next day,
I was sitting on our deck and something caught my eye. It was a humming bird buzzing around our very
large elm tree. It may not sound too
weird until I explain it. This humming
bird was buzzing around the gnarly bark of the elm tree like it was a flower
and there was some nectar to be found.
He didn’t seem to find anything there, which I doubted that he would,
but he just kept on buzzing around the tree.
He’d buzz and buzz, then rest in one of the low branches for a short
while, only to continue this strange attempt at finding some humming bird
nourishment from an old tree trunk. To
my mind this was very strange behavior.
This little bird was messed up!
The fact was that less than 20 feet from him was a number of
hanging baskets on our deck loaded with nectar bearing blossoms that he could
feed from. Another 20 feet further was a
humming bird feeder nearly full of nectar we had provided free for any of our
little buzzing bird friends. Instead of
coming to the source of nourishment that was freely provided by God and us,
custom made for their high energy needs, this mixed up bird kept buzzing around
a tree trunk that offered nothing to him at all, except pure frustration. It was then that a truth hit me pretty hard,
right up side my head.
I had recently been struggling with the disappointment of a
big letdown. I had hoped for a certain
position that had come up and I wasn’t chosen for it. In this situation, I felt very qualified and
couldn’t really get a grasp on why someone else was chosen and not me. The emotions that hit me, hit me very hard and
were based on feelings of rejection.
This incident and the resultant feelings seemed to bring back all of the
times in my past that I hadn’t been chosen for something going all the way back
to grade school. I was really slammed by
this and I couldn’t explain it.
It was while struggling with these feelings, that I saw this
mixed up humming bird hopelessly trying to find nourishment from the trunk of
an elm tree. I wanted to scream at the
bird that he was wasting his time, there was nothing there for him, and that if
he’d only open his eyes and look around, he would find nourishment custom made
for him only feet away. That’s when it
hit me. I too had been buzzing around an
old elm tree trunk trying to get what I thought I needed from it.
What is my old elm trunk?
It is the approval and acceptance of humans. My disappointment and all of the emotions
that came with it were based on my need to be recognized by humans. A lot of us have this same problem. I grew up a performer. I realized early on that this was the way I
got positive attention. I got good
grades. I was the “good boy”. I performed musically because I had the
talent and it gave me positive feedback.
I have even tried performing religiously to get positive feedback from
men and from God (God doesn’t care about performance, but old habits die hard). When someone lives for approval by man, then
that which can be perceived as disapproval, like not being recognized or chosen
for something, brings with it the flip side of the emotional coin—the extreme opposite
of the elation one feels when they are recognized and “chosen”. This perceived disapproval can be a crushing
blow.
This is what I was feeling, and it took God speaking through
a mixed up tiny humming bird to show me how totally insane it was for me to try to get my worth and spiritual nourishment from the
approval of men. In that very moment
I realized that in the realm of spiritual things I looked just as stupid and
messed up as the humming bird, and I heard God telling me to open my eyes and
look around and find the true spiritual nourishment that is custom made just for
me which I can only get from him.
Jesus taught about getting acknowledgement from men in Matthew
6. His bottom line is, if you do things
to be recognized by men, that recognition is the only reward you get. That reward, given by men is nothing but a
gnarly old tree trunk compared to the sweet nectar God has for us.
I wonder if the Pharisees
realized that to God they looked as stupid as a humming bird buzzing around the
trunk of an old elm tree. I know it finally hit me.
